Is there anything I can do for you?
by iseefireandrain
Summary: Liz gets a rather strange and dirty phone-call from Reddington in the middle of the night, where they share a bizarre conversation. The beginnings of phone sex. Sexual themes inside, just a warning.
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing to do with the Blacklist. This story is rather different from my usual theme, but I wanted to write something a tad more lighthearted and slightly varying on ridiculous. The idea came to me from when Reddington called Liz from the payphone in season 1, "Is there anything I can do for you?" ****I do hope it isn't too out of character from both Red and Liz, but I enjoyed writing it. I do hope you enjoy it in return. If not, let me know anyhow.**

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**_Is there anything I can do for you?_**

Liz's phone rings loudly, bringing her out of her deep relaxing sleep. Cursing and searching for it blindly in the dark, she finds it on the bedside dresser and checks the I.D before answering.

It's Reddington. And of _all the times_ he chooses to call her, he has to call her now?

"Hey," she sighs, her voice husky with sleep. "What's up?"

There's a pause, then Red says, "I'm just calling because I was thinking about you and I wanted to ask if there was anything in particular that you needed?" Despite how crappy she feels from being so rudely awoken, she can't help the warming of her bones at the sound of his concerned, deep voice.

"Um, okay." She makes a face, squinting at the harsh red lights illuminating in the dark from her alarm clock near the bed. "At this hour? Red, it's two A.M in the morning?"

This is unusual. This is something new. Red usually never calls her at this hour. She wonders if it's because of something important, or if he's just experiencing difficulty sleeping himself, so he's decided to drag her into it as well.

"Hmmm, I've noticed. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?" It's like he's hoping she'll say something outrageous, like she needs him to come over to her motel room and rub her back, or something ridiculous like that. Maybe that's what he's searching for? Her to invite him over?

"Honestly?"

"I would expect nothing less than plain honesty from you."

"Sleep, that's what I need. I need sleep." _Hint, hint_. "You woke me."

"Ah. Forgive me for waking you, then." Red hardly sounds apologetic in the slightest, and she catches that in his tone. "Shall I hang up and let you get back to sleep?"

Liz knows it's pointless, asking him to do that; Whenever she is disturbed and woken in the middle of a deep and heavy sleep, she finds it next to impossible to get back to sleep again, for her brain to switch off. So him hanging up now and her trying to return to sleep would be rather pointless, wouldn't it?

"No, it's fine," she says hastily, sitting up against the pillows. She feels all hot and sweaty, so she throws the bed sheets off her bare legs to cool them down. "Don't bother hanging up. You've already woken me, and I can't see myself getting back to sleep anytime soon. Why are you calling me right now?" The whole thing has left her feeling thoroughly confused. She turns the words he used on her back around onto him, "Is there... anything I can do for you? Is that the reason why you called?"

"That's a tricky question, Lizzie. And a dangerous one, at that." She hears the slow intake of breath he takes in, and she knows that, somehow, she has gotten him amused, "When there is _so many_ something's that you could do for me."

She hears a faint rustling noise in the background on his line but she can't be sure what it is.

She combs her fingers through her fringe to brush the strands away out of her eyes, as she thinks his comment through carefully. "What are you doing right now?" she asks suspiciously. "I mean, what's going on? Is Dembe still there with you?"

"He left over two hours ago. I told him to take the night off. I had to... _literally_ haul him out of the room onto his ass just to make him go. The man is magnificently vigilant, perhaps to a fault to the point where he doesn't know when to take the night off and relax."

"Right. And so that's what you're trying to do now? You're trying to relax?"

"In a nutshell, yes."

"And what do you do to relax, Red?"

"I like to sit in an armchair and read."

"Oh, yeah? What book? What book are you reading right now?" She's always pegged Reddington for being the type of man who likes historical books or biographies. The genre of crime especially.

"Just one I picked at random. I won't bother telling you what the title is, but it is rather... fascinating. Not the usual book I go for ordinarily, but we all need to try something new at times, don't we?"

Liz sighs and feels a flame of annoyance flicker through her. "What book are you reading? What's it called? I wanna know."

"How about I read you a paragraph instead, Lizzie? Will that do?"

She doesn't understand why he can't just tell her the title, but she relents with a sigh. "Fine. Read me a paragraph, Red."

She hears Red clear his throat as she stands from the bed, stretching her legs. The room doesn't feel as stuffy as it did when she was under the blankets. "All right, here we go. He held her close in his arms, and she could feel the heat radiating from his body to hers. She felt a marvelous tingle sliver down to her womanhood as he-"

Reddington's reading voice is just as wonderful as his normal, sonorous voice, but all the more compelling and delicious. _Dare she think it_. The man can even read the instructions on how to apply hemorrhoid cream and, still, it'd be divine.

"Wait up," Liz cuts through him in shock, "That's what your reading? You're reading an erotic novel? Seriously?" Red reading an erotic romance novel is the last thing she'd expect of him. She's not so sure whether to believe it or not. She never put him down as the type.

"Yes, I am," Red replies, sounding nothing but sincere. "It's fascinating but it is rather... steamy, wouldn't you think? According to this, the man has given her multiple orgasms in a five minute period. He must be one hell of a performer in the bedroom, wouldn't you think, Lizzie?" She cannot believe this. Reddington, of all people, talking about orgasms._ Multiple_ orgasms, in fact. At two A.M in the morning. "Do you suppose there is truly such a thing as to give a woman multiple orgasms? I'm very curious to hear your take on it."

"You're joking, right?" Liz doesn't know whether to laugh or to take him seriously. All she knows, is that she feels flustered by the topic.

"Hmmm, that's exactly what I thought. It's too good to be true."

_And he's getting her wrong..._ "No, I... I wasn't answering about the, uh, multiple orgasm thing. I mean, you're joking about what you're reading, right? You aren't truly reading erotica, am I right?"

The wicked small chuckle he gives out at her question isn't very reassuring. "Wouldn't you like to know," he whispers wryly. Then she hears him clear his throat once more, and he says, "Not to purposefully sound immoral, but what are you wearing?"

_ So he's definitely not kidding with her, after all..._

It takes her a good moment to get over the shock, and then she feels back to her plain old self again. "Uh-huh, so you weren't kidding with me, after all. What? Has the book affected you _that much_ that you want to know what I'm wearing? Is that it?"

"Not at all. Believe it or not, I am always personally invested in taking notice of what you are wearing, Agent Keen." There's something naughty in his tone, clearly illustrating that the content of the book has gotten him, indeed, feeling a little frisky and horny. But the fact he's acting that way with her, it's... odd to say the least. "For instance; That ruffled cream blouse you wore today, I thought, was exceptionally pretty." It's true; She did wear a cream colored blouse today. Not once did she think he'd take such an interest in what she wore, though. "So which is it tonight? Boyleg or G-string?"

"You are _so not_ asking for me to give you private details on the panties I'm wearing," she whispers in outrage. Okay, so she's mostly pretending to be more offended than she is. Surprisingly, the entire conversation is rather exciting on her. "Like I'm actually gonna tell you which underwear I'm wearing." She's wearing black boylegs, and his first guess was astonishingly accurate, if unnerving. Deciding to play along, she asks, "So what are you wearing, Red?"

"I believe you already know the answer to that. I'm wearing my suit."

"Oh, yeah? Which one? You have so many it's kind of hard to keep up."

"My birthday suit," he says, completely deadpan. "The one you haven't seen yet. I only bring it out every once in a blue moon when a special occasion arises."

She's silent for a very long moment, stunned by how flirtatious he's being with. "Birthday suit? As in-"

"-Naked, yes," he clarifies readily, as if it's nothing to admit that your naked to someone else. "Oh, here's a fabulous idea I think we will both very much enjoy. Why don't you, uh, get out of your bra and your boylegs, and we can both share in the fun of being in our birthday suits together? That sounds like fun, Agent Keen, wouldn't you think?"

Despite herself, she laughs out loud. _God, has he been drinking more than usual tonight? Is he high on some illicit substance possibly? He's not really talking to her while naked, is he? _

"Yeah, yeah, never going to happen, Red," she mutters under her breath. "So what's the special occasion your speaking of?"

"Oh, just the simple joy of waking someone up in the middle of the night and having them suffering along with me," he says mischievously.

"Is that me you're making a reference to?" she asks quietly, despite already knowing the answer. "You can't sleep? What keeps you up at night, Red?"

"You couldn't _even begin_ to_ imagine_ what keeps me up at night, Agent Keen."

"I think I know a thing or two. It's finally catching up with you, isn't it? All the bad deeds you've done, it's finally reached into your conscience and its starting to haunt you, and you can't rest because there's nightmares and it constantly makes you feel guilty. Is that it?"

"My conscience is far from clear, yes. It certainly does tend to keep me up at night, but it isn't the only reason. There are other things that plague my mind nightly, desires you could not even begin to know about. Which brings me back to my previous question and the matter at hand, what are you wearing?"

Typical of Reddington to dodge a serious question and distract her in another way. "Well, I'm absolutely not wearing my birthday suit, if that's what you wanna know."

Red sighs loudly and wistfully on the other line. "Shame." There's a moment of silence on his end, then he says meaningfully, "Now, back onto the very reason I called. Is there anything at all that I can do for you? Are you sure there isn't a single thing that I could do for you?"

"Like what?" she teases. "What could I possibly need that you could give me, Red?"

Some part of her enjoys the fact that he's always there for her, and that he'll always try to do right by her, to make her feel safe and happy. It's nice to have someone waiting on you, and always looking out for you.

"Multiple orgasms perhaps?" He lets it linger in the air for a hopeful moment, and Liz wonders if he's hoping for her to actually say yes or something ridiculous. "I think I might surprise you with just how-"

"Absolutely not. There will be _no_ multiple orgasms from you whatsoever. If multiple orgasms _even exist_ for a woman, that is..."

"Let's make it a science experiment of some sort," Red says eagerly, after a beat. "Let's put pen to paper and see if multiple orgasms_ are_ in fact real, or are rather just a myth. After all, that's what they said about the G-spot and deep throat, and we both know that they are far from myths, don't we, Lizzie?"

"Goodnight, Red," she butts in, hanging up on him.

She wonders about multiple orgasms herself all night.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Part 2**_

Next evening, Liz sets the alarm to go off at two A.M in the morning, before opening up the containers of the take-out she brought for dinner in the small kitchen in her motel room. It's the exact same time Red called her the previous night before, babbling nonsense about wearing only his birthday suit and prattling on about multiple orgasms. She grins to herself as she sits on the edge of her bed, chowing down on the stuffed dumplings and noodles she brought for dinner, as well as a light beer to wash it all decadently down with; Her reward for getting through another grueling day capturing the next criminal on Red's list.

She's decided that she is going to make Reddington pay for keeping her up last night. She's going to do the same, in calling him at a ridiculous hour of the night, talking sheer nonsense. Some part of her even wickedly hopes that she'll disturb him from sleep while she does it.

Payback is a bitch. And Liz's going to enjoy every second of it.

Once she's finished with her dinner, she throws the takeout container into the trash and takes her beer with her as she heads into the bathroom to have a quick shower. Even as she stands in the shower, shampooing her hair, the smile won't seem to leave her. She rehearses a few different scenarios in her head, coming to one that she is most satisfied with.

She's going to call him and pretend to be distressed. Knowing Red, he'll worry his ass off and assume something is seriously wrong with her, potentially one of his enemies coming to threaten her, therefore bringing out his caring and protective streak. Then she's going to turn it all around on him. He won't know what to think once she's finished with him.

Once she's done showering, she gets into her sloppy shirt and track pants for bed, swallowing the rest of her beer down. The beer seems to mellow her out, make her feel less self-conscious about what she's going to be doing. Wrapping her damp hair up in a towel, she heads back into the room, peering down at the time illuminated on the clock near the bed. It's only 11.30 in the evening. She's not even so sure she can last that long, in keeping herself awake until two A.M in the morning.

She yanks her phone out of the charger and sits on the bed, crossing her legs. She's undecided on what to do. Should she just call him now, have her fun, and get it over with? She has to be up early for work in the morning, and considering how Red disrupted her from her sleep last night, she had already felt tired enough during the day. What is it really going to hurt any, in doing it now?

While the idea of getting revenge on Red for the phone call is satisfying, it doesn't seem worth it, sacrificing sleep for another night just so that she could do it. She had been clumsy and out of sorts during the day, with having trouble keeping her mind focused. Cooper had even noticed and had asked if there was something concerning her. She couldn't go through work like that again, not two days straight in a row.

Liz opens her phone, searching through her contacts for Reddington's number. Before she can have any regrets, she thumbs the call button, placing the phone up against her left ear. This was going to be interesting...

She hears the clicking of the call going through, then Red answers in his deep voice, "Ah, Lizzie. What a pleasant surprise, you calling me at this hour. Is there something that I can finally do for you?"

Her mouth goes dry and for a second there, she can't remember how to speak. Her mind goes blank and she can't seem to recall what it was that was part of the plan. She can feel her heart pumping furiously in her chest. Then it comes to her, her plan, and she clears her throat curtly.

"Um, Red?" She makes her voice sound as panic-stricken as possible, knowing he couldn't resist coming to her aid then.

"Yes?" Immediately, he sounds alert and cautious. Anxious, even. Just exactly what she needs... "Lizzie, are you all right?"

"I... I don't exactly know." She makes her voice sound faintly higher, so Red assumes she's been crying. "Something's really wrong. There's a... a..." Pulling the phone away from her ear, she starts rubbing her palm back and forth along the receiver, hoping to make crackling and rustling noises on his end. Then she brings herself to make a few loud moaning noises of fake sexual pleasure, grinning to herself while she tries to stifle down her laughter once she thumbs the speaker on so that she can hear every single reaction he makes clearly.

Hopefully the sounds she is making will really freak him out and he'll lose it.

Liz has to press her lips together tightly to refrain from laughing when she's hears Reddington breathing in a shallow, desperate way through the speaker phone, sending it crackling. She wonders what he was up to minutes ago before answering her call- if she's interrupting him from reading a chapter in his erotic novel.

"Lizzie? Lizzie, are you still there?" He finally says, and his rich, baritone voice sounds confused and panicked.

"There's a..."

"- Are you... are you all right? Is something happening at the motel? I think you're breaking up. It's impossible to hear with all of that-"

Purposefully cutting off his concerned inquiry, she makes another deliberate moaning noise, tapping her fingers against the receiver again. She's never had so much fun in years, she doesn't think. Playing with Reddington's mind... it's the most hilarious and joyful thing she's done in months.

"Red," she cries out in a fake sobbing voice. "I... I don't know what's happening. They're everywhere!"

"Who's everywhere? Are you hurt? Shall I come over?"

She sends a silent fist pump into the air when it occurs to her that she has immediately succeeded in her plan. Red sounds so worried and anxious, everything that she'd hoped for and more.

Unable to contain herself from laughing out loud, she hangs up on him quickly in order not to spoil and ruin it, letting her laughter free as she cups her hands over her mouth, her body shaking from head to toe with mirth. God, it's priceless, how easily she could get Reddington all worked up. It's the best form of payback. She imagines him sitting there in his armchair, stressed out of his mind, his natural protective instincts when it comes to her tingling.

Her cell vibrates and rings, and when she checks the I.D, surely enough, it's Red.

Another brilliant idea forms out of nowhere, and she grabs the remote, flicking on the old TV in the motel room, finding the free-to-air porno service the room has for all of its tenants. She turns the volume up, standing from the bed to hold her cell near the speaker system as she thumbs the answer button to receive his call again.

"Lizzie, Dembe is gathering the car. I'm on my-" His alarmed words drift off when he hears it quite clearly through the phone then. She knows he's heard it, without a doubt; The disgusting moaning and groaning noises from the man in the porno segment, sleazy and primal. "Good Lord," she hears him exclaim through the speaker on her cell over the sounds, equal measures flustered and amused, his voice trembling a little. "What is all of that dreadful noise, Lizzie? Sounds like something of an orgy?"

She feels her cheeks redden at his words. He sounds so casual about it, as if the idea of hearing her in the middle of an orgy in her motel room is completely natural and an everyday event.

"Have to say I'm left feeling a little neglected that you hadn't thought of including me in all of the fun. I remember, in the Summer of 1982, I had the privilege of being offered to attend a swinger's party where they held orgies on a nightly basis. I remember... there was this one marvelous woman with arms like spaghetti and the legs of a racehorse." She sighs loudly in annoyance with how sudden he is to go on a ranting tirade about some God awful thing she doesn't even want to know about in the first place.

It disappoints her how quickly her plan seems to be backfiring. He's supposed to be panicking and worried for her, not assuming that she's actively participating in an orgy, as if she's even the type of woman that ever would.

She hits the mute button on the TV abruptly, breathing heavily as she butts through his words. "Payback's a bitch, Reddington," she mutters under her breath sarcastically. "Hope you enjoyed that while it lasted."

"Oh, I don't know about you, Agent Keen, but_ I_ for one can certainly last longer." The deviant, naughty tone of his voice makes her feel as if she's blushing like a coy virgin. Trust him to immediately turn her plans around on their head. It's as if, for Reddington, speaking this way, filled with cryptic sexual innuendos... its something that comes so effortlessly to him. "Is that the main reason that you called? You're intrigued as much as I am to find out whether multiple orgasms-"

"- Don't you_ dare_ even start speaking of whether multiple orgasms truly exist again, Red. It isn't a debate that I want to get into with you right now," she says in warning. "I never called about that. This is about you waking me up in the late hours of the morning last night, then expecting me to get through another grueling day of catching one of your Blacklisters."

To her relief, it seems to quieten Red down from what he's started. There's a weird moment of silence as she listens to him breathe on the other line, then he says, "What are you wearing?"

"My birthday suit," she retorts immediately, recalling his words from last night.

"Oh, really? That makes two of us then."

"What? I thought you just said that you were getting Dembe to go get the car ready?"

"Exactly. I'm sitting in the car, right as we speak, coming to your door in nothing but my birthday suit while Dembe shields his eyes and cowers in horror."

"Ha-ha, very funny, Red. I k_now_ for a fact that you would _never_ in your wildest mind get changed into your birthday suit while Dembe's there in the room."

"I suppose that's true. You've caught me out on the lie, Agent Keen. Wonderful detective work." She hears a hiss of air leave him, "But in front of _you_, however... well, that's another story."

_What? Is he saying he would get naked in front of her, and have no worries about doing that?_

"Can you do something for me, Reddington?"

"What? I'm all eager ears."

"Picture a pen, then picture it going into your jugular. Then picture me laughing while you bleed out, covered in your own blood."

Startling her, he laughs; a deep pleasant chuckle that rises from the speaker phone straight to her ears, a sound that makes her body break out into goosebumps. "Titillating," he says with a deep hum. "I like your style of flirtation, Agent Keen. Picture me, then my tongue-"

"- Goodnight, Red," she sighs, hanging up hastily, knowing that if she let him finish his words, they may have been the very death of her. And yes, it definitely had been fun for as long as it had lasted, even if with Reddington, it never lasted long.


End file.
